"You need some soul searching...the time is now" - Nas (One Mic)

As teens we all dream about being older. First it’s 18 then it’s 21, but when we finally reach the desired age of so called freedom, we come to the realization that being young and somewhat restricted, has somewhat conserved our innocents. Being in the age of the 20’s is some rollercoaster. The early 20’s can be dubbed the “golden age” of one’s timeline. It is the age of self exploration while simultaneously exploring all the 20 some odd people around you; it is an amazing experience which will impact the rest of your life. At 19 it seems like a breeze, however with age comes responsibility and accountability. Bills, work, and life decisions that as a young adult they did not even register in your mind. My decision to migrate to Italia has sent me on a mental retreat that will eventually aid in my transgression from a confused young adult to a focused and established grown woman.
Presently, I am at a point in my life where I am misconstrued about myself and what I want for me (personally). It’s weird when you know what you don’t what but are totally unsure about what it is that you actually do what. And once you figure out what you want, it can be even harder to categorize your needs from your wants. What am sure of is that as a young woman who is getting to know myself and my environment it is almost impossible for me to give my all to another person when I barely know myself, as much as I want to share my evolution with a counterpart, in the back of my mind I know that I am not ready to honestly make that type of commitment.
As we all know I am preparing to embark on a soul seeking adventure but yet I think I have found my soul right here in New York. Maybe 20 years from now I will look at all this and say, “I really don’t know what the fuck I was thinking”, but that’s human. Some 40 some odd people can’t even make that realization. All I can say is that I am living and enjoying life, and fortunately I am taking everything I encounter as learning and growing experiences.
I read a poem on the train today, which spoke on desires and regrets. If you desire something and it’s not what it was meant to be then there are no regrets. At that point in time you craved it for a reason and if the outcome was not what you wanted it to be then enjoy what you gained from it and take it as a lesson learned.